Maqbool is Fida again

Courtesy - cartoon

Hussain’s dil to bachha hai. The artiste’s fascination for tinsel town ladies is no secret. He usually picks them up from the larger than life Suraj Barjatiya family flicks. The great Indian parivaar that has at least 52 deliriously happy members who hardly work, they sing and dance with gusto, have an undying passion for Antakshari, get married with alarming regularity and give bling a whole new meaning. The cute Pomeranian completes the picture. How sweet. Now I am deviating, I was talking about Maqbaool’s fascination for women young enough to be his granddaughter.

An artiste is always in search of a muse. Take Picasso, the world’s first rock star artist. The bohemian Casanova used a string of women (Marie-Thérèse, Olga Fernande, Eva, Dora, Francoise, Jacqueline to name a few) for their youth, beauty, suffering and humiliation to pave the way for his dizzying success. He wrung them to the last drop before he moved on to other beautiful women.  Pablo Picasso may have been the father of cubism and modern art, but he certainly was the king of use and throw.

Thankfully the Picasso of India, MF Hussain’s track record is not as evil. The artiste now on a self imposed exile in Qatar, is content with painting horses, Hindu goddesses in the buff and watching movies starring his femme fatales. The incurable romantic and the lover of mush, watches them not once, but again and again (he watched Hum Apke hain Kaun 73 times!). Once is not enough to get a glimpse of his Apsaraa in her purple sari doing her jhatka and matkas, fluttering her eyelashes on the 70mm screen, smiling coyly as she tugs at her dupatta - how sweet. Yeh dil abhi bharaa nahin. His last victim was Anushka Sharma, apparently he watched Band Baja Barat 8 times. Buss?

Just when you thought the world acclaimed artiste at 95 has hung up his non-existent chappals, the man comes up another ace. Vidya Balan, the thinking man’s sex symbol, has bewitched Hussain with her ample charms. And no, he’s not satisfied with just watching her movies, this time he wants more. He wants to paint Balan in the altogether.

Vidya is baffled and understandably so. She has the onerous task of seeking permission from 523,467 members of the moral police. Bala Saheb at 86 may not be able to take the shock and might want to send her packing to Doha with Hussain. Beti Balan, this shall not be tolerated in amchi Mumbai. Shiv Sena, Ram Sene, Ram Kumar Srivastav from Ujjain, Mangat Ram - the out of work lawyer from Ranchi with his Chunnu Munnus, the self appointed keepers of Indian culture who have been trying to file an obscenity case against Khajuraho – she can’t possibly afford to get into their bad books. Yes, she is allowed to rub Zandu balm on her bum, croon teasingly about her jawani, wink, heave her bosom but THIS shall not be tolerated. Dare to disobey us and we will hound you, gherao you, slap a dozen cases against you and Madam Vidya, you will spend the rest of your life jogging in and out of courts.

This, my friend is India, the holiest of holy land, where only ash-smeared Sadhus are allowed to get naked. Our Maa, behens better cover up, we anyway prefer them gori, imported and on the net.

Vidya – time to tell them you don’t care, we are waiting, go for it girl! It’s time to get immortalized by Hussain.

Thank you for all your love and support. This blog was voted the best blog in humour category, in a poll conducted by Blogjunta. (A muffled yayyyyyy).

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  1. And even if she accepts, I doubt the painting will have any resemblance to her or anyone would notice unless told specifically.

  2. yesss go for it vidya!!!! :)

  3. tht was one hell of piece painting the hypocrites of two xtremes in one blog
    Surely India is a land of contrasts

    I am thinking of taking painting classes... Someday every other girl in India will queue in my get themselves on my canvas
    And I will put a rule...i will only paint almighty's creation as it is!! nothing more nothing less ;)

  4. hehehe.. good one. 'Our Ma, Behens .. reminded me or 'All Indians are my brothers and sisters.. daily oath, which we as kids used to giggle about but dare not say the word sister so as to become a celibate for life. :-)

    Vidya could do a one up on pretty Yana Gupta by doing an altogether. I would want to ask then MF hussain saab maza aaya.. ! seriously kuch nahin pahena .. sahi

    ps: how come you didn't undress yanas of the world for the media gigs they play. These teasers.. i tell you!

  5. but wat wil her mom hav to say? i heard she dint speak to vidya after she chopped off her lambiiii choti fr kismat connection.

    poor thing...runs d risk of bein disowned now...:(

  6. Whatever my be wrong with M F Hussian's mind (hurting the sentiments of his fellow countrymen by painting Godesses in the nude) he can teach all of us lessons in longevity and the will to work. Even though he has been living abroad his love , both for the country and towards his profession is very much intact. Now it is a wait and watch scenario as to who all will haul up Vidya for nodding to his request.

  7. Prats...The curious case of Modern art.

    magiceye...I read somewhere, she turned down the request.

    Jon..Ahh the boy has lofty aspirations! Nudism just got a boost.

  8. Mayank...It worked for Yana and she got a lifetime supply of "you know what". Not sure whether it was a publicity stunt.

    Sadiya...Seriously? The Mom was emotionally attached to her choti? LOL

    Abha...He has a never die spirit. Even at 95 the man refuses to slow down.

  9. Haha!! MF Hussain, a classic example of the quote "Looks can be deceptive"

  10. MF Hussain and his artistic gestures! whatever happens both Hussain and Vidya are sure to get some freaky media attention.

    And once again a killer post! Keep rocking :)

  11. MF Hussain and his artistic gestures! whatever happens both Hussain and Vidya are sure to get some freaky media attention.

    And once again a killer post! Keep rocking :)

  12. Congrats on winning the Blogjunta award! U deserve it! :O)

  13. why does he not try body painting? should be more fun, with the kind of subjects he is fida about...though it would be tough to body paint horses, and definitely not as much fun..

  14. Why a muffled 'yaayy!' Say it loud and clear for all to hear. What better blog anniversary gift than this! Congrats and looking forward to more tart posts.

  15. She hides flab in Kanjeevarams, nude will not be very appetizing....Katrina would be a better idea.
    Anyways kudos to muses who keep these 90 yr olds going.

  16. Prateek..He certainly doesn't look sheepish :P

    Anto...For Vidya the attention is uninvited. But then there's no such thing as bad publicity.

    Supernova...Thanks :)

  17. I hope Vidhya can keep him going for few more years. I just wonder what he saw in her apart from her charming face !!

  18. Lucky MF Hussein. Even at this ripe age, he can take creative liberty strokes on young muse. Being an canvas artist has an advantage i suppose, If i were to blog about my young muse creatively, I think it would be labeled soft porn *sighs* eh wait, will Muthalik & Co show the same enthusiasm over my blog post too if I choose a muse, then i will get instant fame and million clicks !!!

  19. Menon...Jejjuuzzz you and your ideas!

    Zephyr...Yupp it's a purrrfect anniversary gift. I complete a year this month end :)

    Alka...The beauty and the flab lies in the eyes of the beholder ;)

  20. Joshi...Aww c'mon she's just a little tubby and she is a wonderful actress.

    Lakshmi...Savitaa is your bhabi?? (Ooops PJ)

    But Lakshmi you are free to chose your muse and give us the titillating details. We wouldn't mind, seriously!

  21. Savitaa is my bhabi? If my asli bhabi reads this we will see a manifestation of Kaali and we crying mercy mercy:P

    I know you peeps won't mind but but ... errr ... bring your ears close .. there is someone called Bu(i)tter half who will break my cup of ginger chai :P

  22. go on Vidya. its your life after all!

  23. That was FUNNY! :-)

    I'm glad to know that there is at least some thing that excites MF Hussain at his ripe age. And as his vision is despaired, he needs some one of the likes of Vidya to be visible so that he can paint. Amrita Rao was too thin for him to see... I swear!

    I never admired Hussain Saab anyway, neither do I admire Vidya. So I wouldn't spend 0.001$ worth my time to know or see how MF disfigured already out of shape Ms. Balan further :-)

  24. ah ha .. gret post is what i will say .. i have ranted a million times how we indians are the biggest hypocrites especially this Shiv sena thing and Mumbai issue .. Maybe every other state should ask all from mumbai to leave there state and go back to mumbai.. and preferabbly go to the shiv sena supremo as he will take care oif them all ... All they got to do is follow his diktats.. and if Mumbai is filled with only Mumbai people or Maharashtirans then there will be no problem .. :)

    coming back to Vidya balan and Hussein for some reason I dont like either of them i dont find Hussein to be such a great artist.. really I dont there are better artists then him all over india... This is probably a publicity stint to get into limelight again ..

    Your post made me smile though :)
    and congrats on winning that award and hey i was second to you :) he heheh

  25. Rofl. Sheepish, certainly he isn't found on distant mountains grazing. :D

  26. eeee!! Congratulations!! :D You ARE really awesome! So, well-deserved, I must say! :)

  27. You are doing an injustice
    To both M.F. and Picasso;
    While the latter hated reruns
    The former can neither use nor throw!

    As for Vidya, she should avoid Qatar like plague. Its not uncommon for women to flogged or stoned to death for exposing before men in those quarters of the world!!

  28. Ishh...! I meant 'to be flogged'.

    And yes, Congratulations on your new Medal! Wish you many, many more of them!

  29. Hmmm..lets see if this is gonna happen..if it does, then lotsa useless news to look forward to :)

  30. he expressed his interest long back :P

  31. Congratulations Purba, and beware, the artiste may just find you if you continue to get such fame. Glad that you live in Dilli Dil walon ki, but still.
    Hearty congratulations to you!

  32. Congratulations on your acheivement:)

  33. I wouldn't be surprised with the choice.Vidya is beautiful.Now will Vidya stand up against all the sena's
    in the name of gods(pun intended) to be part of art?
    Well written Purba...

  34. Hmmm...pretty sad. I would have looked forward to trademark Hussain paintings, but I feel there is still some chance :)

    And congratulations for the winning the poll :) You absolutely deserved it! Yayyyyy (not so silent here) :)

  35. Lakshmi...Your bhabhi thankfully doesn't read my blog and ginger chai thrives on better half's largesse?

    Jaideep....Think she turned down the offer - so I read.

    Mayur...Hussain, Souza, Raza have similar styles and their paintings sell for crores. So do they care whether you and I care two hoots.

  36. Bikramjeet...Hey is their anyone who actually likes Hussain and Balan?? LOL

    And congo to you. It's time to partyyyyy.

    Prateek... :D

    Carpe diem...Believe me, I sighed with relief.

    Umashankar...A tough choice between the devil and the deep sea.

    And thanks :)

  37. Ana-treek...My Blog thrives on bakwaas news.

    karthick r...pending and long overdue?

    Blasphemous Aesthete...Congratulations to you as well - your blog grabbed the max votes in the fiction category.

  38. Toyin...muchos thanks

    Blue Lotus...You should see her recent captures in a sari - she looks gorgeous.

    Siddhartha, go convince her.
    And congratulations to you as well :)

  39. What would she get by posing for him? Her movies are doing well if she does anything of that sort she might lose her fans. Anyway, it's her call.

  40. Okay is it just me or does this M.F Hussain person seem more like a voyeur than an artist?
    And why should Vidya pose for him just coz he wants her as a muse?

  41. Vidya should expect herself to be painted without her eyes, nose and mouth. :)

  42. Nethra...Why would she - it's her prerogative, her life.

    Samadrita...Beauty has always inspired artists. And of course Vidya gets to decide - nobody is forcing her to.

    mazingout...Hahahah...Hussain ishtyle!

  43. read somewhere Vidya Balan has agreed! Maybe a rumor!
    And I love the way you told the Suraj Badjatiya story! :)

  44. 73 times? I never knew that.
    And I thought I held the world record (of watching Sound of Music)

  45. Purba, if bad publicity is really taken serious then Rakhi Saawant, Raja Chaudhri etc would have never ever made anything in the industry, sigh!

  46. Haha loved it!!
    And why such a muffled yayyy?

  47. congratulations gal :D
    you definately deserve it :D
    didnt know Picasso was like that :S
    and I though Hussain was weird!!

  48. Addy....Oh has she? It's a well kept secret then.

    Haddock....I can't watch a movie more than once. Now that's a record!

    Anto...The enfant terrible tribe.

  49. Pooja...I just upped the volume...did you heart it?

    Rajlakshmi...Most artistes are beyond our comprehension.

  50. Hey Purba,
    This post definitely deserves the title.


  51. a well well deserved win. congrats double and triple.
    This post too sets mind thinking. I really admire your skill in play of words, filling them with envigorating
    this time it was fida saheb.
    god knows who is next in line.

  52. Loved this post! I hope she does not let any senas frighten her, I hope she let's them know their job is to... do they have a job? Anyway, I hope she goes ahead and gets immortalized by the artist.

  53. Loved the post!! Gives me idea to draw a few outlines of my own mortal self and give fake credit to the old man. Woh bhi kya yaad karenge!

  54. Amropali...Not this article but my blog A-musing :) And thanks.

    Pramod...Ha Ha..I am always looking for victims.

    IHM...A bunch of self righteous fools who have taken it upon themselves to bully the nation.

    Giribala...Wah wa... what an idea madam jee.

  55. Seriously!!!!
    M.F. Hussain is unbelievable. There are so many more artists more talented than him. And he gets all the attention vying for bollywood beauties :-|

  56. oldtimers on spree!! Good read :-)


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