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February is the month of love. Hallmark says so and so do all the jewellery brands. In fact I can almost hear them chanting in unison “If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it woho o o o o”. If only they could all groove like Beyonce! Anything that you purchase this month is for the sake of love and it better be expensive or else... Blogosphere is resonating with the sweet notes of love, believe me I know. After reading 55 (and still counting) paeans on love my heart is all gooey and mush. In preparation for Valentine’s Day I have been wearing nothing but red. Red tees, track-pants, socks, pullovers, so much so that my neighbours have been avoiding me. Whatever happened to the spirit of love!
It’s strange when you are younger you can’t wait to fall in love and as you get older you start nodding your head to Tina Turner’s “What’s love but a second hand emotion”! My daughter is at an age when she is waiting to fall in love. She is pretty, loves her books and cracks jokes that no one gets. Unfortunately for her, guys her age are in no hurry to grow up, they are mostly EQ challenged and lost in the world of Arsenal, PSP’s and gadgets. They are just too busy to comprehend the complexities of love.
Yes love is complex, but why burst the bubble for her? Why tell her that not all cute boys are nice, that the football star may end up breaking her heart and that she’s better off with the nerdy guy, who is sensitive, dependable but oh-so-boring. Let her figure out love and life.
A few years back when she joined FB and put her status as ‘in a relationship’, my brother freaked out. He shot off a dripping-with-sarcasm note to me. Sarcasm runs in our family, when we get together we all try to kill each other with words and sometimes we almost succeed.
Kids nowadays are in an extreme hurry to grow up, grown-ups in no hurry to grow old and the old pretend that they are still young. Happiness as they say never lies in the present; it dwells in the past or the future. The path to happiness will not be an easy one for Tee (my daughter). All I can tell her, be patient my love.
As a young girl I never fell in love, true I had quite a few crushes but they would get crushed the moment the guy opened his mouth. I was too picky for my own good. But it’s a nice feeling; it adds sheen to all things mundane. Your eyes constantly seek out the object of your affection, even half a smile your way and your day is made. Ahh the travails of a trembling heart. When I did fall in love, it was with a man god custom made for me.
But tell me, when do you know its love? Especially for someone who has never been in love, how does one come to know that this is not the real thing? True you are afflicted with all the symptoms that filmy heroes and heroines have been crooning into each other’s ears and for the benefit of the world at large. Your heart beats faster at the sight of him, he refuses to vacate your thoughts, you are constantly replaying the conversations in your head, all the mushy romantic songs now seem to make sense– but is this love? Or is it just the excitement of meeting a new interesting person, which will wear off in time? Is it this doubt that makes us so afraid to commit, makes us believe that yes, we can survive without love? We are scared to get hurt, scared to let go of our carefree existence. We wait and watch and let time slip through our hands.
And there is the impulsive breed that wears their hearts on their sleeve and is not afraid to fall in love at the drop of a hat. If I don’t embark on this tricky path of love lined with its dizzying ups and downs, how will I find the one?
It’s interesting to note how a man’s perspective on love differs from a woman. The man doesn’t take much time to make up his mind; he showers you with attention, lust and tantalizing possibilities. But emotionally he likes skimming the surface, afraid to take the plunge. The woman takes the longest time to make up her mind, will test the water gingerly and needs to be convinced that the man is worth the emotional turmoil. And when she finally does, there’s no looking back for her. She is in the relationship with her heart and soul, ready to renounce the world for the man she loves. Of course, I cannot generalise, I have seen women who are uncaring, insensitive and trample all over the man they claim to love. Love cannot be oversimplified; it has diverse manifestations and interpretations. We all think and feel differently.
I am not claiming to be a new age love guru even though I quite fancy myself as Maa Purba giving whacky advice to the lovesick and driving them insane. I may not have anything new to add to this age old emotion so deep, that it has the ability to transform and is your biggest weakness and strength.
All I can say is - love may be the most selfish emotion that allows no respite until fulfilled by those who share it. It maybe all-consuming, self-gratifying, expect loyalty and can be stifling. Yet it adds meaning to your life, it defines you and makes you feel alive. You are never too old, too young, too tired, too busy or not beautiful enough to love. Don’t let anyone convince you into believing otherwise. If you are open to this most beautiful emotion in the world, it will find you no matter what.
And before I sign off let me ask you a pertinent question – If you love a woman, is it wrong to love another. If you shut yourself off from loving someone else, are you being hypocritical? Think about it and this shall be fodder for another post.